


Crush

by missnoona



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drunken Flirting, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends With Benefits, POV Second Person, Protective Siblings, Secret Relationship, Semi-Public Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:13:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missnoona/pseuds/missnoona
Summary: While on a break from college, you've decided to crash with your step-brother Hyunwoo, unaware that his childhood best friend and your former crush Changkyun is back in town and causing trouble.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Reader, Im Changkyun | I.M/You
Comments: 10
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m home!” You called into the empty apartment as you burst through the door. Your arms fell slack at your sides, dropping your bags, when you realized no one was there.

Your step-brother Hyunwoo was the owner of said apartment, and you were here on break away from college. Forced out of the dorms for awhile, your choices were to either stay with your nagging mother (and Hyunwoo’s father) or your own father, who had a cramped apartment and too much time on his hands to bother you. Given those options, you begged and pleaded with your step-brother to let you crash there. He had the place to himself, he was gone most of the day, and he lived in a cool part of the city, how could he not share all that? Lucky for you, he agreed.

You were quite young when he became your older brother, and you almost forgot at times you weren’t related by blood. He was both your protector and tormentor, keeping you safe from school bullies but also driving you crazy with his teasing. He could really get on your nerves, even now that you were something like adults, but at the end of the day he was always there for you.

You trudged down the hall and peeked your head into a couple doors, not really expecting to find him but curious all the same. When you looked into the room that acted as his studio, you felt a streak of fear when you realized there was a figure sitting at the desk. Dark hair, a dark hoodie, definitely not Hyunwoo by his build and height. When he swiveled around in his chair, you felt a whole different kind of fear.

“Hey, you.” Chankgyun smiled from his seat, and he was the last person you expected to find in your brother’s apartment. Well, maybe not last, they were long-time friends after all, but it was still a shock.

You hadn’t seen Changkyun since your last year in highschool, right before you’d left for college. He and Hyunwoo had been friends all through school, despite how different they appeared. Changkyun was reserved, seemingly serious but you knew he had a playful side as well. He cared about music, and art, but beyond all that he was most known for being something of a delinquent in school. It was never anything too serious, but just enough to earn him a reputation. You always thought part of the reason Changkyun was friends with your brother was because Hyunwoo was good at keeping him out of trouble, or at least trying to.

But it had been a couple years now, and he didn’t look anything like the mischievous youth he once was. His face had thinned out from its baby fat and you mentally traced the fine lines of his jaw and his nose. His hair was longer, and he was still slender but filled-out and defined in the right places, no longer a gangling teenager. As you drank in all his details, he half-smiled at you and must have noted the look of bewilderment on your face.

“Hey,” You said uneasily, coming back to your senses enough to realize that he, too, was observing you. You’d changed and matured a lot as well and he was taking serious notice of it, and it made your skin burn across your cheeks.

“What are you doing here?” You finally asked, coming into the room because it was kind of awkward talking to him from the doorway.

“Working on some stuff.” He gestured to the studio set-up. “He didn’t tell you?” He asked then, referring to Hyunwoo.

“Tell me what?”

“We’ve been working on some music together since I got back into town.” He explained with a nod, and you furrowed your brow.

“I didn’t even know you’d left town, much less come back.” You said, and he laughed, a deep chuckle you did not expect.

“Well, you _have_ been gone for awhile.” He said, and he was right. You didn’t visit much your first few semesters.

As he spoke, in his low, grown-up voice, you felt a rush of feelings that you hadn’t felt in _years,_ feelings you’d forgotten you had ever had. Those of the misguided, juvenile crush you harbored for him a long time ago.

It was typical, crushing on your older brothers friends, and admittedly Hyunwoo had quite a few crush-worthy friends, but Changkyun was different. There was something dangerous about him, especially in your young mind. You knew he was a troublemaker, and that your parents didn’t particularly like him, and that teachers thought he was a handful, and that he did whatever he wanted on his own terms, and that made him irresistible to an 8th grade girl.

You’d all but let those things go completely after you left for school. You even dated casually for awhile, and had one kind-of boyfriend that lasted about a month. Other than that, you were consumed in your studies, and any inkling of a schoolgirl crush had exited your mind. Now, standing in front of him again, it came back like a tidal wave you hadn’t had time to take a breath for.

“Do you know when he’ll be back?” You asked then, taking a step back, needing to get out of the room and escape the on-slant of foolish emotions.

He shrugged. “’Bout an hour, I’d say.”

“Good, I’ll just go get situated then.” You sad, and left the room in a hurry. You tried to shake it off, focusing on unpacking some of your things. It was only half-way through that you realized you had no idea where you were going to sleep.

But then, Hyunwoo came through the door, kicking it open with his arms full of groceries. You rushed over to help him, laughing as you did so.

“One trip?” You asked and he smiled wide, eyes creasing. “Always”

Once you’d gotten the bags out of his arms, you greeted one another properly before you started helping him put things away.

“Honestly, I don’t keep a lot of food in the house, but I knew you’d be hanging out here during the day so I had to get something.” He explained, and you were touched he actually thought of you.

Once everything was put away, he gestured to the hall. “Come on, I’ll show you where you can sleep.” He said, and was surprised to find him leading you into the studio.

Chankgyun greeted his friend without taking his eyes off the computer, and Hyunwoo went over to a futon and showed you how it folded out into a bed.

“Impressive.” You said in a deadpan way, and he scowled at you.

“You don’t like it?” He asked, and you looked around the room at assorted musical equipment, a make-shift booth with a mic, and the desk Changkyun sat at with dual monitors and other doo-dads spread out.

“I wouldn’t call it _cozy_.” You said, “Plus, I’d feel like I was intruding.” You glanced at Chankgyun for a second, who seemed to be ignoring your conversation completely, engrossed in his work.

“Nah,” Hyunwoo waved one hand dismissively. “its fine, you’ll just be sleeping in here, right? We work mostly in the evenings. You can hang out in the living room and use my desk out there if you want.”

You thought about it a moment and he was right, you should just be glad you weren’t at your moms dinner table right now listening to her grill you about every facet of your life, and not giving you an ounce of privacy. You could make this work.

“You’re right, this is fine.” You said, and plopped down on the futon, bouncing on it for good measure, murmuring “not bad” to yourself.

“I sleep there sometimes when I’m here late.” Changkyun said suddenly. “It’s a lot more comfortable than it looks.”

You swallowed at the rush of mental images, those kind of mini-stories that play out in your head when someone you like says or does something, and this one gave you the visual of Changkyun crawling onto the futon with you in the middle of the night, but you quickly squashed all that. What was your problem? You hardly knew him anymore.

Later that night, Hyunwoo ordered in dinner and the three of you ate together at the island in the kitchen. You reminisced on old times, laughing until your face hurt, and found that Changkyun was a lot more engaging than when he was younger. You always got the feeling he put on a bit of a brooding act when he was a youth, wanting to appear more aloof and interesting than he really was. He’d grown out of that, and you came to find he was charming with a hint of mystery still.

“Alright, I’m out of here.” Changkyun said after he’d discarded of his plate. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said to Hyunwoo, then looked up at you and smiled “And you, too.”

You watched him leave, trying to ignore that thing your stomach did when he smiled at you. As the door shut, you suddenly felt eyes on you and turned to Hyunwoo, who had a face you had seen before, but not in awhile, a mixture of annoyance and dread.

“What?” You asked, and he let out a sigh, shaking his head.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t start with me,” You said in a warning tone, knowing he was the type to let things go too far and end up acting passive-aggressive about it later.

“I just thought you were over it, that’s all.” He said vaguely, looking down into his plate and pushing his food around, but not actually eating any.

“Over what?”

“Over _that_ ” He said with more emphasis, and jerked his head toward the door Changkyun had just left out of. All the color drained from your face, had he actually known all along?

You let out a laugh, trying to sound appalled and unaffected, but it wasn’t working. You laughed a little too much.

“You think I-“

“I know you had a crush on him at one time.” He cut you off, and looked up to meet your eyes. His usually soft face was serious now.

“I mean, yeah, maybe some dumb middle school thing but that was a long time ago.”

“Just stay away from him.” Hyunwoo said so sternly that it took you off-guard, and once that surprise wore off you felt a little bothered by the way he said it.

“First of all, you can’t tell me what to do, _dad_ ” You said, and it was slightly more venomous than you intended it to be, but you pressed on. “Second of all, although I had zero intention, why would I need to stay away from him? You think I’m going to ruin your precious best friend?” You asked with an eye roll for good measure, and he was quiet for a long moment before he spoke again.

“No, I’m worried about the other way around.”

You furrowed your brow at him, and before you could process what that could possibly mean, Hyunwoo continued.

“Changkyun is a good friend, he always has been, but there are things about him…” He paused to choose his words carefully, not wanting to offend his friend even if he wasn’t there to hear it. “He’s just not someone you should be getting in too deep with, okay?”

You sat there and considered your brother’s words, and a half-smile tugged at your mouth, wanting to laugh.

“What, has his delinquent ways turned him into some kind of hardened criminal?” You asked, and you could tell Hyunwoo didn’t want to get into this with you, but he had to now.

“Not really. He does sometimes hang around a tough crowd, in some places even I’m not that comfortable going to. That’s not the part I’m worried about, though.”

You waited patiently for him to continue, tapping the edge of your plate.

“He’s not the….dating type.” He tried to say delicately, and you raised a brow.

“So he’s a big ol’ manwhore, huh?” You said, and Hyunwoo gave you a disapproving look, but he nodded.

“Something like that, yeah.”

You let out a laugh, disguising the twinge of disappointment you felt. It’s not like you ever planned on pursuing him, not in a million years, but knowing he was the love ‘em and leave ‘em type did dampen your burgeoning feelings, which really you should have been thankful for.

You stood up then and gathered both your dishes; patting Hyunwoo on his shoulder as you moved passed him into the kitchen.

“No worries, big brother. He’s not my type.”

“Good.” Was all he said, and you dropped the subject for the night.

The next few days you got re-acquainted with your brother, having not seen him much lately and when you did,it was during family events or holidays. You kept in touch at school, but you missed just hanging out together.

Changkyun was there, often, more than you thought he’d be. You started to wonder if music was the only reason he was always around. You chalked up your strange feelings for him as pure nostalgia, and ignored any new ones that tried to creep up on you.

You came into the living room one morning to find him lazily perched on the couch, probably waiting for you to wake up so he could use the studio.

“Do you have a life?” You asked playfully as you walked into the open kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

“Not really. Hey, throw in an extra scoop for me.” He called, and you sighed but went ahead and added the extra water so he could have a cup or two.

You set the machine to brew and came back to the living room, collapsing on the couch beside him, watching him mindlessly flip through channels.

“But really,” You started, pulling your knees up on the couch and looking at him. “What have you been up to?”

He peered at you from the corner of his eyes for a split second, but remained focused on the TV as he spoke.

“Traveling, music stuff, just whatever.”

“You left town for awhile, right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Why?”

He finally looked at you. “Why do you care?”

“I’m just curious.” You said, and you’d obviously touched on a nerve with your inquiries, but you were genuine in your inquisitiveness. It’d been bothering you since you got here, you just knew there was something more to it.

“It does lend itself to my theory, though” You said cryptically and he raised an eyebrow at you.

“A theory?”

“Yeah, you’re wanted by the mob or something, right? Hyunwoo said-“ You were clearly joking, but you cut yourself short before you let too much truth slip out.

“Hyunwoo said what?” He asked, obviously catching on before you could stop yourself.

“Just that…you know…you kind of-“ You rolled your shoulder and cast your eyes down, pretending to be interested in the lint on your PJ pants. He kept a steady gaze on you, waiting for what you had to say, and you couldn’t back out now.

“That you hang out in some seedy places around some shady people, that’s all.”

He relaxed, and then shrugged his shoulders. “Oh, well, yeah I guess that is true.”

You looked up, eyes widening. “Really?”

“Yeah, sure. But Hyunwoo is a bit of a boy scout, you know that. It’s not as bad as he makes it seem. “

“But why” You pushed, ignoring the urge to laugh at your brother being called a ‘boy scout’ because it was true. You focused, instead, on pulling more out of Changkyun. Nothing exciting ever happened to you, most of the people you met at school were cool or funny, but this was _interesting_.

“Why what?”

“Why do you purposely hang around those places and kinds of people?”

He looked to be considering it, staring at the TV where he’d stopped flipping through and had landed on an infomercial, that he clearly wasn’t actually watching. He looked as if he’d never considered the reason before.

“It’s what I know, I guess.” He shrugged lazily. It was a cheap answer, but honest. “But like I said, they’re not all bad. They may do some…illegal things, but they usually mean well.” He paused again, and a slight smirk took over as he peered over at you finally. “Plus, it’s just a lot more fun.”

You felt a strange flutter at the last of his words, how his voice deepened when he said them and what they implied.

“Fun, you say?” You inquired, and he chuckled at the intrigue on your tone.

“I don’t suppose you’d know anything about that.”

You scowled, pulling back some. “Are you insinuating that I’m _boring_?” You asked.

“No,” He couldn’t keep the sly smile off his face as he looked right at you as he spoke. “Not boring but young, inexperienced. _Innocent_.”

The last word rolled off his tongue in a way that made you shiver, and you re-adjusted your sitting position to conceal it.

“You’re not that much older than me.” You countered.

“But I’ve done a lot more than you have.” He said, and something about this exchange felt highly suggestive, and you weren’t sure if you were just reading him all wrong and applying your own feelings to the situation, or he really was hinting at something more. Nevertheless, the tension was increasing in the air between you.

“I could always teach you a thing or two, if you were interested.”

You swallowed hard, not sure if you’d heard him right or if he was saying what you thought he was saying. The look on his face wasn’t helping. 

Suddenly, the coffee-pot beeped and startled you, and you took the chance to jump up off the couch and hustle your way into the kitchen, and away from this conversation. You were sure you heard him snicker as you left.


	2. Two

Changkyun locked himself away in the studio the rest of the day and you puttered around the apartment like you usually did. The last few days were nice, getting to sleep in and catch up on some TV shows, but you felt increasingly bored hanging around here by yourself all the time. None of your friends lived nearby, and Hyunwoo was always busy. You thought about going out on your own, but wondered how long that could occupy you?

When Hyunwoo came home, he met up with Changkyun in the studio and since they seemed consumed in their project, you took it upon yourself to make dinner. When they filtered out of the room an hour or so later, chatting away, their voices faded as the smell of spaghetti wafted through the air.

“You cooked?” Hyunwoo asked, coming into the kitchen, and you nodded proudly. Your meatsauce had just finished simmering and you were pulling out a stack of plates.

You brought the food over to the island where they had gone to sit, still talking, only now you could hear the conversation.

“Where is it?” Hyunwoo asked, his eyes gleaming when he saw the plate presented in front of him. He dug in immediately, but still listened to Changkyun’s response.

“The dive downtown, you know the one.” He replied, and threw you a thankful smile as you put down his plate.

“Where’s what? What’s going on? Something cool? Can I come?” You asked in eager succession, sitting down at the end of the island and facing them both with a beaming smile.

Changkyun looked across at your brother in question, who shook his head without hesitation. He chewed his food before he responded.

“Changkyun has a show, and no you can not.”

You sat back and furrowed your brow.

“Excuse me? Have we met?” You said, extending your hand toward him mockingly. “I’m a grown ass woman, who can make her own decisions. And you are?”

Changkyun laughed, tossing his head as he did so and you couldn’t help but smile at the response. Hyunwoo only stared at you, not at all amused.

“You don’t need to be hanging out at that place.” He explained without really explaining, and you sighed.

“But I suppose you’ll be there, right?” You said, and he was quiet a moment.

“Well, yeah.”

“Perfect, then you can keep an eye on me if you’re so worried.”

“It’ll be fine.” Changkyun cut in to your defense. “It’s just a show, let her have some fun.”

He gave you a sideways glace and you wanted to blush, but that wouldn’t help your case.

“I’ve been cooped up in this apartment for days. If I don’t go out and do something I’m only going to be ten times more annoying. I’m going to make you watch every crappy movie I have.”

Hyunwoo chewed thoufhtfully, and he didn’t look like he wanted to, but you could see how his resolve dissolved as his body relaxed.

“Fine.” He mumbled, and you clapped your hands together in excitement.

“But we’re leaving as soon as Changkyun’s set is over.” Hyunwoo said in warning, and you fluttered your fingertips at him, “Yeah, yeah sure.”

The show was the following weekend, and you were almost embarrassed at yourself for how excited you were. You’d gone out in college, but usually just to local pubs and neighborhood bars that did trivia nights and hosted Greek events. It usually wasn’t your thing. At least this would be something new, something interesting, and despite yourself you were intrigued about seeing Changkyun perform.

When you were getting ready that night, Hyunwoo kept walking down the hall passed the cracked bathroom door. He acted like he had a reason for it, but you caught him peaking in at you putting your make-up on with a look of concern.

“Haven’t you spent enough time getting ready?” He asked, his 5th time passed the door. You turned away from the mirror and shot him a look through the crack.

“I only have one eye done.” You said, and he stared back at you like he had no idea what that meant.

“Which means no.” You said, and pushed the door shut in his face. You heard him curse on the other side.

The worry on his features only deepened when you finally left the bathroom and he got a good look at you. Hanging around the house in your sweats and no make-up had lulled him into a false sense of security that you were still just his baby sister. Now, with you all done-up, you could tell he was regretting letting you come along.

He opened his mouth to say something about it, but he seemed to realize he was overreacting. There was nothing revealing about the outfit, just….mature, and you could tell it bothered him. However, he was going to keep it to himself for now and you were grateful. He’d have to get used to it sooner or later.

You arrived at the club not long after, in a seedier part of town that was alive with dive bars on every corner and people spilling out into the streets. Hyunwoo made sure you were close behind him as you walked into the crowded club, and you couldn’t help but smile at him every time he glanced back at you. It was completely unnecessary, but you were glad he felt the need to look out for you.

It took a few minutes, but you finally located Changkyun at a table with some other people. When he spotted you, he stood up and waved you both over. As you approached, he didn’t sit down right away, greeting his friend and then, once turning his attention to greet you, made absolutely no qualms about checking you out. When his eyes finished wandering, he locked eyes with you and smiled.

You were glad it was dark in there, because maybe he hadn’t seen the flush on your cheeks as you quickly took a seat. As you did so, you stole a glance at Hyunwoo who was narrowing his vision at his friend, clearly having witnessed the interaction.

Changkyun introduced you to the others at the table, a mixed crowd of individuals roughly the same age as him, some with tattoos and a rugged look to them, but they were completely kind upon your handshake. Hyunwoo was cordial, but stone faced for the majority of the early evening. You knew he was on-edge, probably more so because you were there with him.

You leaned in to let Hyunwoo know you were going to the bar for a drink, and he went to stand so he could come with, but Changkyun stopped him.

“I’ll go.” He said, knowing Hyunwoo wasn’t a big drinker anyway and would rather stay seated. Hyunwoo hesitated, then nodded and sat back down. Changkyun followed close behind you to the bar.

You worked your way through the crowd to an empty spot, and waited idly for the attention of the bartender, who was quite busy. You nodded your head to the music and tried to ignore how close Changkyun stood behind you.

“You look nice.” He leaned in to say, and you felt his hot breath against your ear and suppressed a shiver.

“Thanks.” You replied, not meeting his eyes. It may have seemed rude, but you were afraid of how you’d give yourself away if he saw your face.

“A lot different than I’ve ever seen you.”

This time you couldn’t help but smile and glance at him. “Well, I am all grown-up now.” You said jokingly, and he nodded in agreement, eyes casting down your frame once more as he pulled his bottom lip under his teeth. He wasn’t even pretending anymore.

Luckily you managed to wave the bartender over then and ordered a couple beers. When he brought them over, you went to fish through your purse but Changkyun was already tossing his bills on the bartop.

“I’ll get the next one” You said as you turned around, expecting him to move back so you could make your way to the table. But he stood there a moment, trapping you.

“We’ll just say you owe me one.” He grinned, then turned and started back for the table. You weren’t so sure if he meant drinks or something else.

You had enough time to finish your first drink before Changkyun left to get ready. There had been a couple performances before his, mostly hip-hop or R&B and you knew why he favored this club. You felt anxious but you weren’t sure why, anticipating seeing him up on stage. When they announced his name, you turned fully toward the stage and watched with rapt attention.

It was hard to believe it was him at first; he’d grown a lot since his talent show days. His voice was deep and powerful coming through the speakers and he moved with so much confidence. The anxiety in your stomach turned into butterflies, and with every smirk and gesture and rolled syllable you felt something strange build up inside you. It came with the realization that once boyish and broody Changkyun was, in fact, _sexy_.

He only performed a couple songs, but the crowd ate it up. There were clearly many people there who already knew who he was, and they gathered around the stage in droves. When he finished, they erupted into cheers and he left the stage with a satisfied smile.

“He’s really good.” You said to Hyunwoo, who nodded and half-smiled. He was obviously proud, despite wanting to remain stoic.

He must have been backstage afterward, because you didn’t see him immediately. You took the opportunity to get freshened up in the bathroom, and found the dingy hallway that led there. The line inside the ladies room was ridiculously long, so you opted to stay in the hallway for now, leaning against the wall and idling through your phone, sending a couple snaps to your friends about what you’d just seen. They accused you of having a crush and you didn’t correct them.

“Hey.”

The hallway was like a void, the thumping music distant from here and making the unexpected voice startle you. You looked up to find Changkyun there, looking warm and glowing after performing, hair ever so slightly disheveled. He’d lost his hoodie and wore a black t shirt that clung fitting to his frame.

“Hey, “ You said, dropping your phone back into your pocket and smiling wide at him. “You were great up there.” You went on, trying not to gush, and he thanked you. The energy he had on stage still remained here, a kind of buzz he still carried, and it radiated off of him.

“What are you doing back here?” He asked, and you tilted your head toward the bathroom door.

“Waiting for the rush to die down so I can powder my nose. You?”

“Ah, well.”

He started to move close to you, and you tensed up, backing yourself further up against the wall on instinct.

“I came to collect.”

Your eyes creased in confusion. “Collect?”

“You owe me, remember?” He said, and he was as close as he could be without touching you, and you drew in a sharp breath.

“Wh-what did you have in mind?” You tried to ask as self-assuredly as possible, but you still faltered in your words. All that trying to deny your attraction business had completely flown out the window tonight, and you knew you wanted whatever came next.

“To be honest, I’ve been trying to get you away from your brother for days.” He chuckled, a low rumble that wasn’t helping your situation any. As his words sank in, you felt a blush creeping up your neck to your cheeks.

“Don’t bullshit me.” You laughed uneasily, not wanting to buy it. You still felt like a dorky little kid around him sometimes, there’s no way he actually _wanted_ something from you.

You swallowed hard when you felt his hand on your hip, pressing you back into the wall and coming a little bit closer, his mouth now mere inches from yours, eyelids fluttering down at you.

“Me? Never.” He shook his head as a sly smile parted his lips. “I know what I want.”

You shivered at his words, your mind chanting over and over again to itself how much you wished he would shut up and kiss you.

“But the real question,” He started, pulling back some and you swayed into him, following him, craving his closeness. “Is what do _you_ want?”

You knew exactly what you wanted; it raced through your thoughts from the moment you got here. Even with every boy you’d dated and flirted with in your life, none of them had awakened such a want in you. Not until now.

Your phone began buzzing incessantly in your pocket, and Changkyun was close enough to you that he could feel it, too. The jingle was unusually loud in the midst of the hallway. He pulled back just enough to give you room to retrieve it, which you did with shaky hands.

Of course, it was Hyunwoo.

“Where are you?” He asked loudly on the other end over the music, voice painted in fuming concern. You sighed and looked forward, and you could see Changkyun smiling. He pressed his thumb into your hip and you stared at him, watching his tongue languish over his bottom lip, eyes boring into yours. You were so entrapped in his gaze you almost forgot to answer your yelling brother on the other end of your phone.

“I’m waiting in line for the bathroom still, chill out.” You said, and he made a disapproving sound.

“Hurry up.” He said, and you tried to “yeah-yeah” him before you felt Changkyun use his free hand to take hold of your wrist. He pulled it forward so he could speak into the phone, and your eyes widened.

“She’s fine; I’m taking good care of her.” He said in a teasing tone, and there was a pause before you heard Hyunwoo’s voice again. You couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he sounded pissed. Changkyun hung up on him.

“You asshole.” You said, using the hand with your phone to push on his shoulder and he laughed.

“I just like getting under his skin, he needs to lighten up.”

You dropped your arms and looked at him carefully. “So that’s what this is?” You asked, gesturing to the air between you two. Had he really just flirted with you so aggressively to annoy your brother?

“Oh, no. The part where I irritate Hyunwoo is just a bonus.” He said, then lifted his hand to tap you on the nose with his pointer finger. You flinched.

“I’ll be looking forward to your answer.” He said, and just like that he turned on his heel and left.

You blinked in his absence, trying to remember what his question was, and then the very recent memory of his voice traveled through you.

_“What do you want?”_

You straightened up, messed with your hair, checked your reflection in a compact, and made your way over to the table.

“It’s not funny.” Hyunwoo said, eyes concentrated on a giggly Changkyun, who was still delighting in frustrating him.

“It was a little funny.”

“And you,” Hyunwoo said, turning his attention to you as you sat down. “You can’t send a text when you disappear like that?”

“I was gone for 15 minutes.” You said with an eyeroll.

“Yeah, big brother, she can take care of herself. Trust me.” Changkyun said, shooting you a smirk and you glared at him, although you secretly enjoyed it.

“Stay out of this.” Hyunwoo grumbled at his friend.

“Don’t be such a drag, we’re supposed to be having fun. Here,” He pushed a full beer toward Hyunwoo, who stared at it for a moment before relenting and taking a swig.

“That’s more like it.” Chankgyun said, collapsing a hand on his back in a brotherly pat of encouragement. You could see Hyunwoo relaxing under his touch and a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. You guessed Changkyun just had that affect on people.

You stayed longer than you thought you would, probably because Hyunwoo was in a much better mood after a few beers. Changkyun didn’t make it obvious around your brother, but he still stole glances at you and gave you enticing looks, like he was inviting you to something. Every single time, it made your stomach do somersaults and you had to turn away. He was such a tease and you didn’t know how much longer you’d survive these interactions.

When it was time to go, you grabbed an Uber and watched a few feet away as Changkyun chatted with his friends. They tried to encourage him to stay, saying they had an after-hours party going on. You thought for sure he’d head with them, but was surprised when you saw him wave and jog back to where you were getting into the car.

“You’re coming with us?” You asked and he nodded as he followed you into the backseat. Hyunwoo was up front with the driver, a little buzzed and oblivious to everything around him. It was dark in the back on the ride home, and you tried to ignore how closely Changkyun sat next to you.

This became impossible to ignore once you felt his hand on your knee, just laying there heavy against your exposed skin. Your eyes widened toward Hyunwoo, but he couldn’t see a thing, staring straight ahead at the road and chatting casually with the driver. Then your head shot to Changkyun, who kept an even face and only a slight twitch from his lips.

“You’re really arrogant, you know that?” You leaned in to whisper to him, not wanting him to think he had the upper hand here, though he clearly did. He turned to you and smiled.

“Tell me to stop and I will.”

You stared at each other for a long, silent moment. It felt like he was reading your body through his fingertips against the skin of your thigh, and he did not see nor feel any indication that you wanted him to stop at all.

“Hey, hey!” Hyunwoo suddenly shouted, and it jarred you both out of the moment, Changkyun’s hand pulling away from your leg as if he’d been burned. You felt your heart shoot into your throat.

“Take this right, it’s a shortcut” He said after, and you realized he’d only been trying to get the driver’s attention. You let out a long exhale and Changkyun laughed, even though he’d been just as terrified.

He kept his hands off you for the duration of the ride, probably gun-shy after staring death in the face in the form of Hyunwoo possibly being privy to what was going on under his nose. He’d never admit it, but Hyunwoo intimidated him just as much as he intimidated anyone else who didn’t really know what a teddy bear he was. Changkyun knew, but was also smart enough to know that teddy bear could turn into a grizzly when it came to his one and only younger sister.

When you got into the apartment, Hyunwoo pulled you into a hug and you knew then that he was a little more than buzzed.

“Sorry for treating you like a baby.” He said, and you laughed as you pat his back. “All’s forgiven.”

“I’m going to bed.” He said then, kissing the top of your head and zombie-walking to his bedroom.

Changkyun chuckled at Hyunwoo, pulling a fleece blanket from the back of the couch and spreading it out, intending on camping there for the night. You knew you should head off to bed, but you hesitated in the living room. You wanted to say something, to stay right there with him until the sun came up, to kiss him until your lips were sore. All sorts of feelings swam in your blood and it only halted when he spoke up.

“Well, goodnight.” He said, and you just threw him a bashful wave before trekking into the study. You sighed as you shut the door, leaning against it a moment with your eyes closed. You were such a wuss.

You washed up for the night, getting into your PJs and setting onto the futon. It was late, but you were having trouble sleeping, your mind not quieting down enough to let you. You felt a mixture of embarrassment from your interaction with Changkyun, but also hints of excitement and those lame crushy feelings from highschool. He’d made it very obvious he was into you, in some fashion.

While you lay awake going over these things, you were startled by the ding of your phone, and picked it up to see who could be messaging you at this time of night.

**Changkyun** : sorry if I made things weird

You smiled to yourself, biting your bottom lip in a weak attempt to supresss it. You’d forgotten you had exchanged numbers a few days ago, mostly so you could make jokes about Hyunwoo while he was in the same room.

**You** : you didn’t

You couldn’t think of what else to say to make that more clear.

**Changkyun** : I mean I had a feeling you might still be into me, so I went for it

You felt a blush creep up over you. What did he mean _still_? Did he know about your previous crush on him so long ago?

**You** : Still?

**Changkyun** : am I being presumptuous? Im pretty sure you had a schoolgirl thing for me

**You** : you wish

You wondered if he was in the other room, spread out on his back on the couch, phone glowing over his face in the dark, smiling the way you were. You decided to be daring

**You** : remember you asked me what I wanted?

**Changkyun** : yeah?

**You** : I want whatever it was we had in that hallway tonight

You dropped the phone after you sent the message and pulled the covers up over your face, skin burning and wanting to scream. You couldn’t believe you’d actually sent it. When the phone dinged again, you had to take a deep breath before you looked at it.

**Changkyun** : I really wish your brother wasn’t 2 rooms over.

Again, you felt a scream screeching its way up inside you, threatening to come out in a most immature way, but you held it together.

**You** : whys that?

**Changkyun** : cause I’d be in that studio with you in a second

You could hear Hyunwoo echoing in your head, warning you that this was what Changkyun was good at, persuading girls. You had to admit, his smooth-talk was on point. However, you weren’t as foolish as your brother took you to be. You knew this wasn’t supposed to be serious, and you were fine with that.

**You** : the door is open :)

You were surprised at yourself, you didn’t think you were much of a flirt but it came naturally when you talked to him. The energy between the two of you was electric, and it flowed back and forth effortlessly, even if inside you were dying.

**Changkyun** : you really aren’t as innocent as Hyunwoo thinks, huh?

**You** : there are a lot of things Hyunwoo doesn’t know about me.

**Changkyun** : as enticing as this all sounds, im not going to test my limits so soon.

**You** : I knew you were scared of him

**Changkyun** : maybe so, you can’t blame me. He would absolutely destroy me if I ever laid a hand on you

**You** : you’ve got a point there

**Changkyun** : besides, if you’re feeling so brave, you could always come out here ;)

**Changkyun** : Im pretty sure there’s room for 2 on this couch, though it would be a tight squeeze. Which, of course, I don’t mind.

You bit back a nervous giggle, enjoying this exchange far too much.

**You** : youre right, theres no escaping Hyunwoo if he were to wake up and find us anywhere near each other

**Changkyun** : yeah, I guess you’ll just have to dream about me

**You** : whatever. goodnight, stupid

**Changkyun** : goodnight :)

You actually did let out a giggle that time, and tucked your phone away, easing into sleep. Though you rolled your eyes at some of his sweet-talk, he _was_ very much in your thoughts as you slept.


	3. Three

Changkyun was gone by the time you got up the next day, which didn’t surprise you because you ended up sleeping until almost 1pm. You thought about texting him something cheeky, but chickened out at the last minute. Last night felt like a hazy dream and you found yourself going back to it over and over, wondering if it had all really happened like you thought it did. When you re-read your texts, it reaffirmed the truth. Changkyun _wanted_ you and you wanted him just as bad.

Just thinking those words sent shivers down your spine and had you biting back a smile, one even Hyunwoo noticed.

“What?” He asked as he drew his brow together, hair tousled and eyes still tired from the night before.

“What what?” You replied over your cup of coffee, averting your gaze as not to give yourself away.

“What are you laughing about?”

“Nothing, just a funny text, can’t a girl just smile at a meme on her phone in 2018?” You said, and your exaggerated reply worked because he dropped it.

You were disappointed you didn’t see Changkyun for the next three days, but he’d let Hyunwoo know he was busy “with stuff”, whatever that meant. When he finally did come back, you gave each other a passing glance before he went into the room to work. You didn’t expect him to do much in front of your brother, but the interaction still made you a little uneasy. Maybe he’d just been drinking and pulling your leg that night? He hadn’t texted at all since then. Now you suddenly felt unsure of yourself.

You puttered around the apartment without much to do, surfing the web, watching TV, and snacking your life away. When you entered the hall sometime in the afternoon to head toward the bathroom, Changkyun happened to be leaving the makeshift studio room. When he saw you, he made sure to shut the door behind himself, the one that separated you from Hyunwoo.

“Hey,” He said in a gentle voice, probably so Hyunwoo wouldn’t hear. You awkwardly greeted him back and went to continue down the hall when you felt him snatch at your wrist and tug you back. You looked down at your hand and he let you go, realizing he hadn’t meant to startle you with the impulsive action.

“You’ve been quiet lately.” He said, and you gave him an odd look.

“So have you.” You countered, as he could have reached out at any time just like you, and he half-smiled.

“I was waiting for you to make the first move.”

You scoffed.

“Why me?”

He took a step toward you and you went back on instinct, drawing in a breath when his eyes leveled with yours, like the hallway in the club all over again.

“You said you wanted it, didn’t you?” He teased, and though his closeness and the deep, quiet of his voice here in the hall was doing things to you, you glared at him instead.

“It’s a two way street, or so I thought. How do I know you’re not just fucking with me?”

He laughed low and reached up to place a hand on the wall next to your head, trapping you there.

“You want me to convince you? Fine.”

You barely had time to process his words before his lips were on yours. What came down fast and firm slowly melted into a sensual, deep kiss that made your entire body weak as your eyelids fluttered closed. It didn’t take you long to kiss him back, and he eagerly awaited it, closing his mouth down on your bottom lip and suckling it before letting you go.

He didn’t go far, just hung there over you and let his breath intermingle with yours, and you were terrified your brother was going to swing that door open any second but you also couldn’t move. 

The hand on the wall fell to your face instead, and he held your chin between his fingers and thumb, keeping you in place, giving you a heavy-lidded gaze as he spoke.

“There’s a lot more where that came from.”

If it had been anyone else you would have laughed, but everything Changkyun did and said sent shivers down your spine, and you wanted desperately for him to kiss you again, but shifting in the next room drew both your attention back to the fact that you weren’t alone.

He backed up from you, and presented a hand out toward the hall to let you pass him. As you went to walk away, he couldn’t let you go without one more comment.

“I’ll keep convincing you, if you’d like.”

You shook your head and shut the bathroom door behind yourself, trying to play it cool, but once inside you fell apart, breaking into a smile, suppressing giggles, and covering your face. What was he even doing to you?

Later that night, after ordering in dinner, Hyunwoo suggested a movie and you took him up on the offer, and was pleased that Changkyun agreed as well. You would have preferred it be the two of you, but of course that wasn’t happening anytime soon.

You sat down next to him on the extended couch, Hyunwoo on the other side so he was in the middle. The boys had picked some sort of action flick that you only barely paid attention to, a throw blanket over your lap.

“You gonna share those covers?” Changkyun asked loud enough for Hyunwoo to hear, as well. You scowled at him and shook your head, but was surprised when Hyunwoo piped up.

“Stop being stingy.” He chastised you, not looking away from the movie.

“It wouldn’t be a problem if someone didn’t blast the air in here.” You said, leaning over to speak to him directly. He ignored you and you looked back at Changkyun who was smirking at you. You didn’t trust this, but you grabbed the edge of the blanket and tossed it to him, and he gathered up part of it to cover his lap and legs.

Sure enough, 10 or so minutes later you felt a hand and stiffened up, shooting him a look. His eyes were concentrated on the screen, his other hand perched behind his head. The one under the blanket tucked itself around the inside of your leg and he stroked your knee with his thumb. You were thankful you were wearing sweats because any skin on skin contact right now would have been too much, especially after that heated kiss in the hallway.

To your surprise, he didn’t push it. He just kept his hand there for the rest of the movie, idly caressing, and you felt the unmistakable sensation of butterflies in your stomach, which worried you. This felt distinctly like a boyfriend move, and the last thing you needed was for him to bring up any sort of romantic feelings in you. The sexual tension was fine, anything beyond that would be a mistake.

Toward the end of the movie you noticed Hyunwoo nodding off, and as soon as the credits rolled he stood up from the couch to stretch, and Changkyun moved his hand away, just in case.

“I’m going to bed.” He mumbled as he started making his way toward the hall. “Lock the door when you leave.” He added, obviously talking to Changkyun. He disappeared into the darkness with the sound of his bedroom door closing behind him.You blinked in his direction, surprised he’d so willingly left the two of you alone, but maybe he trusted his friend and you more than you thought.

You had had a secret hope of what would happen next, but you were also apprehensive, wondering if he would just get up and leave for the night. Lucky for you, he seemed to be on the same wavelength.

It only took a second for him to reach over, curl his fingers around the back of your neck, and pull you into him, kissing you more fervently than he had earlier in the day. This time he was hungry, and unabashed about it, and you barely had time to take a breath. It took you a second to match his energy and pace, but once you did you fell into it, letting your tongues tease and lips meld. He was handsy, too, which shouldn’t have surprised you. He was more careful about that, though, working his way up from grabbing your hips to trailing over your waist and finally to taking handful of your breast through your shirt. The other hand snaked around your back and pulled you forward, needing you closer.

As his kisses started to move, he nipped and kissed a wet trail down your neck and as good as it felt, panic started to arise.

“Don’t leave any marks on me.” You said breathlessly, and he pulled back to study you a moment, and then his eyes narrowed and he smiled, knowing it was because Hyunwoo would see and get suspicious.

He reached over and grabbed the top of your loose-fitted shirt and yanked it down, exposing the top part of your chest and bra. Then his lips came down on the supple flesh and sucked harshly, grazing it with his teeth before giving you a bite, which made you jerk in his grasp and release a small moan. When he let go, there was a deep red mark, and he nuzzled up under your ear.

“Now only I can see it.” He whispered, and you had to bite your bottom lip to keep from moaning again.

He continued on like that, going between your mouth to other parts of your body, and back again. Your lips started to feel sore and he’d left a few more marks on your chest that made you a tiny bit louder each time, and you had to fight not to wake your brother. You relaxed into him, letting your fingers thread through his hair at the back of his head and he groaned against the crook of your neck at the feeling, which only excited you more. Of course you had kissed your fair share of boys, and felt passionately about some of them, but this was an entirely new set of feelings that tingled across your skin and made your head spin.

As he tugged on your hips to bring you into his lap, he groaned again as you made contact with his groin, where you could tell he was definitely hard under his layers of clothing.

“ _Shit_ ,” He sighed, pushing up toward you, needing any kind of contact. “I want you so bad, babygirl.”

You swallowed back the whine that got caught in your throat at his words, uttered gruffly in that deep, lust-laden voice of his, knowing that the only reason he hadn’t thrown you down and stripped you yet was because you could never get away with screwing on your brother’s couch without him knowing. It was way too risky.

You knew you had to stop before things really got out of hand, and detached from him to fall next to him on the couch. He missed the contact, but his face showed he understood why you pulled away.

“You should go home before this gets worse.” You said humorously, but he looked at you with intention, like he wanted to start all over again.

“I’ll stand up when it’s acceptable to do so.” He said, finally smiling a bit and you laughed out loud, though secretly enjoying what you had done to him. There was no doubt anymore that he actually wanted this.

After a minute of getting your bearings and readjusting clothing, you stood to walk him to the door, and he turned to you one last time before he left.

“You gonna dream about me?” He asked with a smirk, calling back to the first time he texted you, and you rolled your eyes, opening the front door and pushing him out by his chest.

“I’ll definitely be dreaming about you.” He said, and though it made you feel things, you simply waved and went to shut the door.

“Goodnight, Changkyun.” You said before it closed, and saw him smiling wide as it did.

The adrenaline and blood pumping through your veins made it difficult to sleep that night, but once you finally did, morning came fast. You hadn’t been awake very long before you received a text.

 **Changkyun** : How do those marks look? :)

You went into the bathroom and pulled your shirt down, seeing how his lovebites had turned a more bruised color. None of your previous lovers had so brazenly marked you before, not even a hickey, but you found that you liked it, and you blushed when you saw them.

 **You** : A little purple now

 **Changkyun** : Good, they’ll last awhile. At least until I can put more on you.

 **You** : I didn’t take you as the possessive kind

 **Changkyun** : I have my moments

You were in a perpetual state of twitter-patted when you spoke to him, and even when you weren’t talking he was in your head more than you would have liked.

 **Changkyun** : I have another show next weekend, but it’s a little further downtown. You wanna go?

You sighed out loud as you responded.

 **You** : You know Hyunwoo will never let me go

 **Changkyun** : So? He’s not your dad, you’re an adult. Lie to him if you have to.

He had a point, one you’d never thought of before because you’d never had a reason to lie to Hyunwoo before, since you always got along so well. However, he had been particularly annoying lately with his over-protection. One little white lie to have a night out wouldn’t be a big deal.

 **You** : I’ll be there

 **Changkyun** : Good :)

You saw him throughout the week, and every time you laid eyes on him you burned up inside, finding it difficult to resist the urge to reach out and touch him whenever he was near. You hadn’t been particularly clingy with any of your exes. Affectionate? Sure. Lustful? A little bit, but never like this.

And you knew he felt the same way because he was always testing the limits of what he could get away with. It was a game to him in a lot of ways, one he seemed to take the utmost joy in, sneaking gropes on our backside while Hyunwoo was in the room, or waiting until he turned his back or went into another part of the apartment to lean in and gnaw on your neck. It always took all your will-power to keep your composure, to not shriek at the contact or laugh.

“Doesn’t that make it more fun?” He said once with a cheeky smile.

“Are you only doing this because you like the thrill of possibly being caught?” You asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I’m doing it because I think you’re hot.” He said factually. “The sneaking around part is an exciting bonus.”

You rolled your eyes at his response, but turned away before he could see the smile.

When Friday rolled around, you let Hyunwoo know last minute you were going out with a friend, so he wouldn’t have time to protest. He was suspicious, but you informed him it was someone from school who was in town visiting an aunt in the area, so you couldn’t miss the opportunity to go out with someone. You really played up the whole bored and lonely during break thing, so he relented without much fuss. He only requested you kept in contact with him.

You were surprised when you arrived to find Changkyun waiting for you outside, and you got butterflies again at the way he smiled at you as you approached. This area of downtown was less seedy than the last place, but the sidewalks were packed with people going in and out of a line of bars on the street.

You were surprised yet again when you got close to him and he snaked an arm around your waist, pulled you in, and kissed you. You pulled back quickly and turned red, noting that people going into the club had witnessed the open display of affection that you weren’t used to receiving. Changkyun was only smug in response as he took you inside.

A few of the people from the last show were there again, so you felt more at-ease when you came to their table. He introduced you to a few others, and everyone had that same intimidating look that masked what was a fairly pleasant personality that you got to know while Changkyun went away to fetch you a drink. He sat next to you and you mostly listened to the conversations around you, about music and gigs and what was happening where and with whom in the ‘scene’. It was all so intriguing that you didn’t mind sitting back and absorbing it all, especially as the alcohol began to relax you.

However, you were put back on edge as periodically, girls would come to the table to say hi, and they were particularly interested in saying hi to Changkyun. Their body language was obvious, the way they touched his shoulders when they talked to him, or leaned over the table low and close to his ear. You had never been jealous in your life that you could remember, and you wondered if the sudden churning in your stomach mixed with a little bit of irritation was that very foreign feeling bubbling up. You knew it was irrational, he wasn’t your boyfriend nor did you want him to be, but it felt instinctual, like you had no control over it and that bothered you.

Finally he had to slip away to get ready, and he stopped before he left to lean in and talk to you over the music.

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked, and you knew he meant here in the club by yourself, and another wave of fluttery-feelings rose up in you, but you swallowed them down and nodded.

“See you up there, then.” He said, nudging your chin with his finger before he left. You sank back into your chair and sipped your drink, pretending not to notice the strange looks his friends gave you after that.

When he took the stage, it was much like the first night, except you were somehow more excited seeing him up there exuding confidence and talent, and you thought that if you hadn’t known him, you would have definitely developed a crush on him in that moment. You felt strange just sitting there, so you stood, and made your way closer to the stage, nodding along and listening, smiling and taking it all in. He hadn’t noticed you at first, but when he did, he smiled and winked, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth playfully and you laughed and shook your head. After that, he caught your eye a few more times, and it felt like he was speaking directly at you, which caused a whole lot more than just flutters.

When he finished, the crowd erupted in cheers and the lights went dark. You pushed through the people back to your seat, and chatted with his friends while waiting on his return. You were beaming, happy to be in this atmosphere, and not just because of the booze.

It had been awhile now, and you thought he’d have come back by now. You sat up, and searched the crowd for any sight of him. It took you a moment, but you finally spotted him near the stage exit. He was talking to a girl, leaning in close to her, hovering over her like he’d done to you in the hallway. Even from here you could see the way she bit her bottom lip and tilted her chin up at him, playing with one of the string on his hoodie.

It hit you in a sharp jolt, your body going cold as your face fell at the scene played out before you. You understood your arrangement, but you didn’t think he would flirt with someone else while you were around, especially not after the kiss outside and all the mischievous banter. You didn’t want to admit it, but it hurt.

After the feeling washed over you, you suddenly felt hot and suffocated by the mixture of cigarette smoke, warm bodies, and thumping bass. It was all too much right now, and you stood, taking your drink with you as you tried to find an exit. You didn’t want to go out front, because the streets weren’t much better. Instead you went in the opposite direction and found a small hallway that led to a back exit, and you pushed the door open and finally took a held breath of cool summer night air. You were in a stairwell that led up into a back alley, and as the door closed behind you it shut out most of the noise save for the pounding bass.

A yellow light bulb flickered overhead and you leaned against the brick wall, taking a heavy swig of your bottle, questioning all your foolish choices. No wonder you’d never done anything like this before, it was taxing. You didn’t have the emotional fortitude to deal with all the feelings it brought up, and wondered how people slept around like it was nothing. Hell, you hadn’t even done that yet and you were already a mess.

 _“Usually those people don’t have feelings for the people they’re screwing around with,”_ Your inner voice chided you, but you weren’t going to let it convince you that was the issue. It was a crush, nothing more. Nothing to get so bent out of shape about.

The back door swung open and you jumped, letting out a tiny gasp at the unexpected creak. As it fell shut, Changkyun stood in front of you, his face pulled tight with concern and he looked like he was breathing a little harder than normal.

“What are you doing out here?” He said, and for a minute he sounded like Hyunwoo and that was the last thing you needed right now.

“Getting some fresh air.” You shrugged, trying to feign nonchalance. “You seemed a little _busy_ , so, ya know,”

You instantly regretted that last part, especially how bitter it sounded. Changkyun’s face slowly morphed from concern, to realization, to amusement.

“That girl?” He asked, using his thumb to gesture toward the door. “Did that bother you?” He continued, stepping a little closer.

“ _No_ ,” You spat, and your tone told him everything he needed to know. He grinned as he slinked up closer to your face. He took the bottle out of your hand and drank from it before speaking.

“I didn’t take you for the possessive kind.” He said in a mocking voice, wiggling his head back and forth as he did so.

“I’m not _possessive_ ,” You said, glaring at him, “I just think being so blatant like that in public is gross.”

You were lying through your teeth, and you both knew it.

He tossed the empty bottle aside with a clanging noise of glass against concrete, and his hands found your hips. He caressed over the hip bones, pressing you back into the wall, his mouth getting dangerously close to yours.

“Only because you want it to be you.”

You took in a breath, trying to hold steady, not relenting to his manipulation.

“You’re such a bastard.”

He chuckled low, licking his lips, and you were dissolving bit by bit.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

This was his favorite game of all, getting you to admit what he knew to be true, making you say it out loud. It was both enraging and arousing in equal doses.

One hand started to move down, and his fingers hooked under the edge of your mid-thigh length skirt. He drew it up, slowly, exposing more and more of your legs.

“All you had to do was ask.” He said, looking down as his hand now disappeared under the fabric. You drew in a sharp breath once you felt him at the front of your panties, pressing his fingers over your core. You backed up into the wall and your arms went slack at your sides.

He raised his head and looked right at you as his fingers began to move, back and forth over your clothed center, your inner thighs burning and trembling as they slowly fell apart at his insistence.

He leaned into your ear, his breath hot against the shell of it as he continued the torturous touches.

“I can give you whatever you want, babygirl.”

You’d been so silent all this time, but finally the combination of his words and his touch caused a small whimper to come out of you, and he was more than pleased by the response.

He moved the fingers away to bring them up to the band of your underwear, but he paused before he went any further, toying with the elastic, snapping it lightly against your lower stomach.

“What do you want?”

You were tongue-tied. Every nerve in your body screamed out for him to keep doing what he was doing, but you didn’t know how to put it into words, so you whimpered again instead.

He planted his lips against the edge of your jaw, kissing and nibbling the skin, pausing now and then to whisper against it.

“You want all my attention?”

You found yourself nodding, your hands now holding on to his biceps as he took your earlobe between his teeth.

Getting your confirmation, he slid his hand inside your panties and grazed it over your mound before finding the more sensitive parts, and you let out a louder sound.

“I can do that for you.” He said, smirking against your skin, clearly loving every second of it. He used his fingers to locate and massage your clit, and as you gasped you pressed back into the wall and remembered that you were outside. You turned your head toward the stairwell and couldn’t tell how close the people nearby were, their voices carrying over from the main street. You also worried that someone could come through that door at any second, but all of those worries melted away when his fingers slid down a little further, parting to feel your wetness.

Changkyun groaned as you coated the tips of his fingers, and brought his mouth close to your ear again.

“Is this what you’ve been waiting for? I know I have.”

And with that, he slid one finger inside gently, causing your chest to press outward and fingers tighten on his arms a little. Once he got you used to it, he inserted another, which made your back arch and mouth drop open. He reveled in every sound, twitch, and response of your body, that he knew exactly what to do with.

In one motion, his thumb found your clit as his fingers started to flex in a come-hither motion inside you, and you dug your nails into the fabric of his hoodie, trying to keep your voice down as to not draw any attention, but it was hard. Your eyes were shut now and you surrendered to his ministrations, letting him play your body like a finely tuned instrument. You could hear and feel his breathing getting labored, some of that cockiness falling away as he focused solely on pleasing you.

“Kiss me.”

You don’t know why he asked, until once his mouth found yours and his fingers curled up even more, finding a spot on your upper wall that made you see white behind your eyelids. It was a sensation you’d never encountered before, and you hadn’t even known it could feel so good. The moan that tried to rip through you on contact got lost against his lips, and he drank it up.

You were aware of how close you were, and you wanted to warn him but you didn’t want to raise your voice. You opened your eyes, as much as you could, and gave him a look. He exhaled heavily as his fingers moved faster, leaning in to press his body against yours and nuzzle up under your ear once more.

“Let me feel it, baby. Come for me.”

You tried to swallow back on the impending release as it started to sweep through your body, but it was so new and so rare and so _good_ you realized you didn’t care anymore. You gripped him tightly, threw your head back, and came on his fingers with a loud, wanton set of moans, body shuddering against his as you did so.

“Fuck that was so hot.” He breathed with a small laugh as you started to come down off the high. He sprinkled kisses all over your neck and held you close against him, letting you ride out the feeling until the end. Once you were spent, he pulled his hand free and dropped your skirt back to its original place.

Once you could think straight again, your face felt hot against the outside air, both flush from what just occurred and also a creeping sense of embarrassment at your own behavior. Had your hormones really clouded your judgement that much?

But when you looked at Changkyun with his satisfied little grin and his warm body against yours, you decided it wasn’t so bad.

“Come on, I’ll ride home with you.” He said, pulling you toward the stairwell, but you resisted.

“Aren’t you going to tell your friends bye?” You asked, and he waved it off. “They know where to find me.”

“Won’t Hyunwoo think its weird we came back to his place together?”

“We’ll tell him we ran into eachother at a bar and I, being the gentleman that I am, escorted you home.”

You laughed, but the idea was solid and you walked to a nearby corner to call for an Uber back home. Once home, Hyunwoo was awake, as predicted. He never would have gone to bed with you still out.

You gave him the story, or at least Changkyun mostly did, knowing exactly what to say to ease his best friend’s mind, and Hyunwoo not only bought it, but thanked him for bringing you home. Changkyun threw you an overconfident look when Hyunwoo turned around.

You said goodnight to both the boys, giving a lingering look to Changkyun before you went, and were not surprised when he texted you from the couch a few minutes later.

 **Changkyun** : I can’t believe you let me do that

You scowled at your phone in the dark.

 **You** : What do you mean by that?

 **Changkyun** : A lot of girls would get too self-conscious or think it was too risky, but not you. You clearly wanted it bad enough

You could almost hear his stupid, smug laugh through the text, and started to type out a scathing response.

 **Changkyun** : and it was literally the hottest thing I’ve ever done. Jesus, I wanted to take you up against the wall.

You deleted what you wrote and giggled to yourself at his words. You thought about your response a little longer than usual, wondering if now was the right time to bring it up.

You’d been keeping something from him. Not purposely, it just hadn’t had time to come up. See, you had dated casually and you’d had your 2 somewhat serious boyfriends. You’d done all the making out in the world, the wandering hands, and maybe once or twice it ventured to other places. However, you had never fully…..

 **You** : I don’t think that would have been a good place to lose my virginity

His usual rapid-fire texting stopped cold, and it was radio silence for a good 5 minutes. Your brain started to panic, and you started to ask if he was still there, but then you saw the dots indicating his typing.

 **Changkyun** : What?

 **You** : What?

 **Changkyun** : You’re a virgin?

 **You** : I mean…yeah. The kind of “done everything BUT that” virgin.

There was more silence, and you pressed your forehead into your phone, not expecting him to flip out about it. Unfortunately that was a common response for guys, and it was the most frustrating thing in the world. Who cared if you were in your early 20′s and still hadn’t gone there yet? Why was it such a big deal? You were simply waiting for the moment to feel right, and it hadn’t yet. This either completely terrified guys, or made them way too excited about it, and both those reactions turned you off to ever wanting to go there with them. It seemed like Changkyun might not be any different.

 **Changkyun** : Cool.

You could tell it was very much not cool, and you suppressed the urge to feel regretful about it. This was his hang-up, not yours, and if it bothered him then he could kick rocks.

But a tinge of…sadness, maybe? Cast over you with that thought. You didn’t want him to feel that way, you didn’t want him to leave, all over something so dumb.

The conversation died off, and you forced yourself into an bothersome sleep, hoping by tomorrow it would all be forgotten.


	4. Four

Changkyun had been avoiding you.

At least, that’s what it seemed like.

It just seemed odd that one minute he’s kissing you in public and putting his hands under your skirt, and the next he’s sending one-word text responses and never seems to be in the same room with you for very long.

You thought it was all in your head at first, just your typical over-reactive brain inventing situations where there wasn’t one, but after awhile it became abundantly clear that he had backed off.

You thought maybe he just needed an extra push, to know that you weren’t the innocent girl he always thought you were. It didn’t matter if you were a virgin, you weren’t chaste and you didn’t want to wait for love and roses, and you were going to show him that.

After a late night session, Hyunwoo went off to bed and Changkyun came into the living room. He stopped short when he saw you, and you knew he intended to stay the night, but he hesitated to come to the couch.

“You can sit down, you know.” You grinned at him, and he did so, cautiously.

He didn’t sit close to you, didn’t even acknowledge you as he turned on the TV. You scowled in his direction, wondering what was up with him. You decided then and there to just go for it.

You slinked your way under his arms and into his lap, and he sat back and let you straddle his thighs. You leaned down and kissed him, fully, and he kissed you back. You grinned against his mouth as your fingers found their way into his hair and you deepened the kiss, rocking your hips forward.

Suddenly, he detached himself, pushed gently and placed you back on the couch. You blinked at him as he stood up.

“I should be going home.”

“What?”

“Goodnight.”

And the door closed behind him.

You flushed, mortified at the feeling of rejection washing over you. He had seemed eager for it a moment ago, but something had changed.

You tried to ignore it, but it gnawed at you, and you finally sent him a text.

 **You** : What was that all about?

 **Changkyun** : What do you mean?

 **You** : Don’t play dumb

A few minutes passed.

 **Changkyun** : ill talk to you tomorrow.

With that, you tossed the phone away with a huff. You didn’t know what game he was playing, but you wished he would just be upfront about it. His mixed signals were frustrating beyond reason, and you didn’t have time to waste on someone who couldn’t decide if you were worth it or not. The fact you were even giving him a chance to explain himself spoke volumes. You should have just cut it off then and there, but you were going to hear him out.

The next day, Hyunwoo took you out to dinner. You got the feeling his big brother senses were tingling, probably because you sulked around the house all day in a foul mood despite your insistence that everything was fine.

“How’s your pizza?” He asked, trying to make small-talk, and you shrugged.

“Are you going to tell me whats wrong?”

You signed and looked up at him.

“Is it a boy?” He asked, and you were somewhat amused at the fatherly tone in his voice.

“Maybe.”

“Do I have to beat anyone up?”

That earned a very small laugh out of you.

“No, nothing like that.”

“Well, whoever it is, they’re not worth it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because anyone worth it wouldn’t make you feel this crappy, they’d be the one taking you out and trying to make you smile again, instead of me.”

You half-grinned at him.

“I’m glad it is you, though.”

He bowed his head, trying to hide the softness of his reaction.

“Eat your pizza and shut up.”

You laughed and did just that.

After the brief talk, you did start to feel a bit better, and started to forget about your lame boy troubles. The two of you even spent some time in the shop’s arcade, feeling like kids again as Hyunwoo spent way too much money trying to win you a stuffed animal in a crane machine and you destroyed in him in a racing game that you weren’t going to let him live down for years. By the time you started your trek home, you were smiling ear to ear and your stomach hurt from laughing.

It was well after 9pm, as Hyunwoo unlocked the front door, the two of you still giggling and chit-chatting. When it swung open, you did not expect to see a figure on the couch. Actually, you did not expect to see two figures on the couch.

Changkyun was there, sitting, as he usually did, but perched upon his lap much like you were the other night was a girl, who you recognized from the club, the one who had been flirting with him by the stage. She straddled his legs, her shirt pulled down to expose her bra, one strap coming off the shoulder, and bite marks on her chest.

“Really, dude?” Hyunwoo said, and the girl got up and quickly gathered herself. When Changkyun turned around, he looked right at you. You expected his tell-tale smirk or maybe a smug comment, but instead his face fell, and he studied your features.

Probably because all the color had drained from your face and your jaw tightened, feeling frozen in place. The girl said something about calling him later and she bumped into you as she hurried out the door.

“You can’t do this in your own place?” Hyunwoo asked, visibly annoyed but obviously not taking it the same way you were. Changkyun stood and rubbed the back of his neck, staring at his feet.

“Sorry, it just sort of-“

He stopped when he felt the rush of air as you went past him, and he watched you disappear into your room.

Hyunwoo stopped too, and he stared at the door you’d just practically slammed, then looked back at Changkyun suspiciously.

He tried to play it off, laughed a little, shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know what her problem is.”

“Be straight with me,” Hyunwoo started, turning to his friend. “Have you two been…”

“No.” He cut him off abruptly. “I think she just has a crush on me or something. Anyway, sorry about all that, I’ll make sure I’m at my own place next time.” He slapped his friend on the arm, who didn’t seem at all convinced.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” He asked, walking toward the door.

“Yeah, sure.”

With that, he was gone.

In the spare room, you sat on your bed and breathed deep, a mixture of anger, embarrassment, and hurt all swirling together in your head. You felt like an idiot, most of all, for letting yourself get this deep. It was a dumb crush that turned into a dumb fling that had all the warning signs of being a mistake given the person he’d shown himself to be. And yet, here you were, all full of jealousy and regret while he didn’t give an ounce of care about it.

It truly was your own fault, because you fell for every trick in the book. The times he texted you and seemed genuinely interested in talking about things other than sex. The times he asked how you were, and actually wanted to know the response. The tiny gestures that didn’t have ulterior motives, like a hand on your lower back in a crowd or a kiss on your forehead. These were all things you didn’t do with friends with benefits, and yet he had still discarded you like trash at the first chance.

The only thing you could do to keep from crying was to let your anger take over, and you deleted his number out of your phone along with a few of the pictures you’d taken together. You mentally erased every happy memory, and every fleeting moment you’d imagined him as something more to you.

Tonight, you’d be upset, but tomorrow you’d start over again.

You were surprised at how easy it came at first. Sure, there was a twinge of pain every time you saw him, passing by in the hall or sitting on the couch, but you’d shut it out as soon as you could. You couldn’t let yourself linger on him for too long, because it would churn in your stomach and make you feel forlorn and pathetic all over again. Out of sight, out of mind, and you practiced this into perfection.

You channeled your hurt into seeking out your own sense of fun and adventure. The allure of Changkyun was that he was a bad boy, he was everything you weren’t supposed to be involved with, but he wasn’t the only one. There were plenty of cute boys with interesting personalities that you could pursue, and you did just that.

It started, as it typically did, with dating apps and idle chatting, meeting up in public places and flirting around to get your confidence up. You went out more, even if it meant going by yourself, and started to make friends quickly. After a couple weeks, you didn’t even need to try and avoid Changkyun, because you were too busy to see him anyway.

Your new set of suitors never got to the point you’d gotten to with Changkyun, not yet anyway. You’d gone on a few dates and maybe had a make out session or two. It was all in good fun, and best of all it made you forget about having your heart stomped on.

Soon, your new group of acquaintances had invited you to a familiar spot, and you let them know you were aware of it already. You wanted to back out for a moment, but remembered the entire reason you started this to begin with, and now was your chance to prove to yourself that you meant it.

Besides, maybe he wouldn’t be there?

It only took about 20 minutes to realize Changkyun was in fact there, and you tried to calm your nerves and remain steadfast in your coolness. You sat at your table with your group, which included one boy you’d taken a fancy to. You sat close to him throughout the night and he’d put an arm around your back. You laughed and drank and had a good time, but kept your eyed peeled.

Finally he saw you, across the crowded, smokey room. You watched only from the corner of your eyes, but you could see how serious his face became when he recognized you, and how intently he watched. For good measure, you leaned into your new friend and whispered something innocuous in his ear, but made sure you pressed close to him as you did so.

When you pulled back, you saw the way Changkyun’s eyes narrowed and he turned away, and you smiled in triumph.

You continued this game well into the night, catching him looking and making sure you poured on the touches and flirtations. As you left the table to fetch your own drink, you were surprised when he came there to meet you.

“Hi.”

His voice was unsure, and it made you want to laugh. You’d never heard him sound so hesitant before.

“Hey.” You said, but you didn’t look at him, keeping your attention forward as you waved the bartender over. He opened his mouth to speak again, but you spoke over him to order your beers, then glanced at him.

“I’m sorry, you wanted to say something?”

You delighted in the way he closed his mouth and clenched his teeth.

“Just wanted to say hi, that’s all.” He said, watching your every movement, leaning in like he was begging for your attention. The bartender placed the two bottles down and you tossed some bills on the bartop.

“Well, bye then.” You smiled wide at him before walking away. You honestly had never felt more powerful in your life.

Of course, a small voice in the back of your mind asked if this was a good idea. Weren’t you really doing all of this because of him? Had he really affected you so much that you’d spent the last few weeks forming an entirely new social life just to get back at him?

Even if that was the case, you thought, you were having a good time, so what did it matter?

You returned to your table and spent the rest of the night enjoying yourself, and drinking in the sulky looks Changkyun threw your way occasionally. After some time, he disappeared and you figured he’d left for the night, which didn’t hinder your fun at all.

“Are you coming home with me tonight?” Your new friend asked after last call, as you stood out on the sidewalk together, him holding you close. You thought about it, and the idea was enticing, but you shook your head.

“Not tonight.”

He sighed, squeezing you a little tighter against him. “You’re killin’ me.”

“I know.” You smiled, and kissed him goodnight.

When you got home, high on the spirits of a good time and good booze, you were surprised to find Changkyun and Hyunwoo sitting at the kitchen island together. They both looked at you when you came in, and you didn’t like the expression on their faces.

“Did I interrupt some kind of super secret music meeting?” You laughed as you shut the door, but neither one looked amused.

“Where were you tonight?” Hyunwoo asked, and you shrugged.

“Out, with friends.”

“And some guy?” 

You turned and glared at Changkyun knowing exactly what was going on now.

“You actually came back here to _tattle_ on me to my brother?” You said, voice dripping in disgust. You couldn’t believe he’d do something so underhanded.

“It doesn’t matter who told me.” Hyunwoo said, sitting up, and you came closer.

“Yes it does, he has no right to expose my personal business, and you have no right to interfere with it. Jesus, I’m so sick of both of you. What I do is none of your goddamn business.”

You stomped away, ignoring Hyunwoo’s calls after you, and this time you really did slam the door, which sent a picture frame in the hallway crashing down onto the wood floor.

You stripped off your jacket in and grabbed your duffel bag, shoving clothes into it. You were appalled that Changkyun would stoop so low as to tell your brother what you did in your free time, as if he had any right to know. He was the one who made it clear he had no further interest in you, so why was he suddenly trying to get involved again? You cursed under your breath as you haphazardly packed your bag, ready to take off that night even though rationally you knew you’d have to wait until morning.

There was a light wrapping on the door

“What!?” You yelled, and there was a pause.

“Can I come in?”

It was Hyunwoo, and you dropped your arms at your sides, taking a deep breath.

“I guess.”

He creaked open the door and poked his head in, and you felt a little bad seeing the apprehensive look on his face.

“Where’s your messenger?” You asked, and he moved inside carefully.

“He left.”

“Good.”

“Look, I wasn’t going to reprimand you or anything, I know you’re an adult. I just wanted to talk about it.”

“ _Why_?” You near-shouted, putting your arms up, still heated.

“Because I worry about you.”

His gentle voice and concerned eyes started to melt some of your anger, and you collapsed down on the bed, dropping the bag on the floor.

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

He came and sat down next to you.

“Easier said than done. Regardless, I didn’t like what Changkyun was telling me.”

“Well did you ever think he’s telling you for a reason?”

Hyunwoo blinked, clearly confused.

“I know you’re not going to take this well, but he and I had a…thing..for awhile.”

Your words sank in and he put his head in his hands.

“Oh God, it’s my worst nightmare.” He groaned, and that actually earned a chuckle out of you. You placed your hand on his back.

“Don’t worry, it never got serious.” You reassured him. “But that’s why I was so upset that day we had dinner, and why I reacted that way when we came home and…you know.”

“I thought something weird was going on between you two, but I didn’t want to believe it.”

“Unfortunately, you were right.”

He groaned again and you smiled a little, rubbing his back.

He sat up then, looking you square in the eyes.

“Didn’t I warn you?” He asked, and you nodded.

“You did, and now I’m paying for it.”

Hyunwoo got a little more serious, brow drawing down in concern as his voice lowered.

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

You shook your head, waving a hand. “No, no. I mean, not like that. I let myself feel a little too much and he wasn’t interested in it being anything other than a fling.”

That was the first time you’d said it out loud, or admitted to yourself that you really did harbor some kind of romantic feelings for him, and it only stung you more to say it.

“I didn’t take him as the type, but I had to ask.” Hyunwoo explained, and you understood. You sat in silence for a moment, letting all this new information sink in for the both of you.

“You can do whatever you want; I just want you to be safe.”

You placed your hand on top of his. “I get it. Sorry I yelled at you.”

“Also you owe me a picture frame.”

You both laughed, and after talking a bit more, he left you to sleep. You were glad things had been squared away with him, but your rage at Changkyun hadn’t simmered at all.

After you’d changed and gotten into bed, your phone dinged, and you expected a text from one of your friends asking if you’d gotten home alright. Instead it came through as a non-contact, but a phone number you recognized.

 **2918765409** : Can we talk?


	5. Five

**You** : You have a lot of nerve even speaking to me right now

 **Changkyun** : I know

You laid there in the dark, seething, not even able to come up with a response to that.

 **Changkyun** : Listen, I know I’ve been really shitty to you lately, I wanna make it up to you.

Him actually admitting some kind of fault took you off guard, and the longer you laid there the more your temper cooled, but you were still upset with him.

 **You** : If I’m around tomorrow we can talk

 **Changkyun** : ok

You went to bed hoping you wouldn’t run into him the next day, and made sure you went out bright and early to avoid seeing him. You ran some light errands, got yourself a coffee and did some window shopping. You stopped by a few clothing stores and tried to distract yourself with a few frivolous purchases, nothing fancy, just something to make yourself feel better and not think about possibly talking to Changkyun again.

You met up with one of your new acquaintances, a girl you’d been getting close to. You regaled her over lunch with details about your affair and she listened with rapt attention, finding the whole thing fascinating.

“So anyway, he wants to talk today I guess.” You shrugged.

“Oh my god, you have to do it.

“Really?”

“Yes!” She gushed. “He is so into you.”

You spluttered, turning red at the idea. “What? No way.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, I may be an outsider but it’s completely obvious. If what you’re saying about him is true, then he has to be. Why else would he go through so much trouble? If he wanted to just dump you, he’d dump you, end of story. Instead, he’s playing all these games because he has feelings he doesn’t know what to do with.”

It sounded crazy, but it made a lot of sense.

“Trust me, men like that have no idea how to separate their hormones from their emotions. He may think he’s got it all under control, but he’s unraveling. He wants you back in his life, even if he has to stir up drama to get you there.”

The way she put it, it didn’t seem far-fetched. Changkyun was someone who hid his true feelings under a veneer. It was just like highschool, playing the big tough guy when he needed his much larger best friend to have his back. He liked the persona, even if who he truly was ran much deeper than that.

“I guess it couldn’t hurt to just talk to him one more time.”

“Do it, and then tell me everything.”

You laughed, and agreed, and spent the rest of the afternoon talking about other things. This didn’t stop your mind from wandering, going back over little details of what the two of you had been doing these past few weeks. You still got sick to your stomach when you remembered him with that girl, and wondered why exactly he was in Hyunwoo’s apartment with her to begin with. You were starting to believe maybe he had done it on purpose. But why? You couldn’t believe he’d only intended to hurt you with it, he may have been acting like an ass lately but he wasn’t _that_ unnecessarily cruel.

The apartment was empty when you got home, and you found a note from Hyunwoo that he’d gone out. You laughed to yourself, thinking he could have just texted you that, but appreciated it anyway.

You walked into your room and stopped in your tracks when you saw Changkyun sitting at the desk. He turned to look at you and you started to back out of the room.

“Sorry, continue.” You waved, leaving him to his work, but he stopped you.

“That’s not what I’m here for.”

You paused and assessed him. You did promise him you would talk, and that dejected look on his face was convincing you to stay. You let out a small sigh and came back into the room, sitting on the futon across from him. It was quiet for a long time, his eyes were averted and you tried to find something interesting to focus on, but you kept coming back to him.

“Well?” You finally asked.

“I guess I’m sorry.”

You let out a sound, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff.

“You guess?”

“I am. I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

Your counter, and especially the disaffected tone with which you spoke it, caused a reaction that cast apparent across his face in a wave of confusion and some other kind of untraceable emotion.

“What do you mean ‘for what?’”

Now you did laugh, and he didn’t seem to like it.

“For what? You should probably know what you’re saying sorry for, if you’re truly sorry.”

All the concern had come off him and he looked annoyed now, fidgeting in his seat.

“I mean, obviously for the way I’ve been acting.”

“Why would you apologize for that? You’re not my boyfriend, I don’t care who you fuck in my brother’s apartment.”

He flinched at your words, getting more and more visibly agitated, but you weren’t bothered by it, your anger was too great. He had put the both of you in this position, and now he had to deal with the consequences.

“I just thought maybe I should explain the way I’ve been acting, and I get that you’re putting up a front right now. You were upset; you don’t have to pretend like you weren’t.”

You flushed at his words, letting rage and embarrassment fill you up until it was tracing across your cheeks in a crimson blush. You were both flustered, and both trying as hard as you could not to lose it in front of the other.

“Explain, then.” You said curtly, sitting back and waiting for him to get on with it.

He took a long moment, the silence was thick with expectation and unhinged emotions, and he started and stopped himself a few times before the words started to come out right.

“You know what you told me that night after the club?”

You nodded slowly, because how could you forget? It was the exact moment he started to act different.

“That got into my head a little bit.” He admitted, and you had to fight not to roll your eyes. It was the same old story.

“All this time I had been treating you like I treat most girls, and that seemed alright until you told me that. I know it’s stupid but I saw you different. I remembered who you were and how I knew you before, as Hyunwoo’s little sister.”

It was not what you typically heard in response to your virgin-status, and you were surprised he’d taken it that deep, you started to lean in as he talked.

“All of a sudden it was like I was corrupting you, or something. I don’t know.” He rolled his shoulders like he was trying to shake it off, and his head got lower and lower the more he talked.

“I agreed to everything we ever did.”

“I know, but I started to think maybe it was because I was being too manipulative or pushy. I started to question my motives and realized I’m kind of a shitty, selfish person.” He laughed, but there was no trace of humor to it.

You readjusted, body relaxing as some of the tension started to wear off at this revelation.You wanted to correct him more, to let him know you never felt forced into anything and had wanted it all just as much, but he wasn’t finished yet.

“I never thought about what you might be feeling, just that it seemed fun for both of us at the time. Once I heard that, though, I just wanted to keep you away from me.”

There was a hint of sadness in his voice at the last part, and you realized that for all his bravado and confidence, there was very likely a part of him that still felt insecure, leftover from his days of being treated like a nothing in highschool, a delinquent with no future.

“So, the girl,” You started, and he nodded.

“Probably not the best way I could have done it, but I wanted to make you angry at me so that I wouldn’t have to actually deal with the fallout of hurting you.”

You laughed, “You hurt me so that you wouldn’t hurt me?”

“I said it wasn’t the best idea.” His mouth twitched, finding the silliness in it in hindsight. “I hurt you in a way that suited me. God, I sound like such a prick.” He raised his hands and buried his face in them for a second before pushing them back through his hair.

“I mean, it was a dick move, for sure.” You shrugged, not going to treat it as anything less. “But at least I know why you did it.”

“Yeah, I’m real good at running away from stuff.” He said, moreso to himself. You cocked your head as something clicked in your brain.

“Is that why you were gone for so long?” You asked, going back to his elusive disappearance from town that no one liked to discuss.

He made eye contact with you for the first time, and gave you half-hearted smile. “Yeah.”

You waited, hoping he would continue but not wanting to rush him. He sighed as he started to talk again, figuring he might as well let it all out.

“People here didn’t expect much from me, you knew that.”

You nodded, gently urging him to continue.

“So I got it in my head that I was going to prove everyone wrong. I went out to LA, tried to launch a music career, failed miserably and came back home with my tail between my legs.”

Hearing the story, even as simply as he laid it out, hurt your heart. He was immensely talented and deserved so much more than what he got, and you knew that the tough image was a mask, it always had been. The fact that for the very first time in all the time you’d known him he finally let it down, had you feeling something new toward him.

He grinned a little then, giving you a sideways look. “I think that’s also why I felt so bad about messing around like we were, every time you came to my shows you just looked so proud and happy for me. I didn’t deserve that.”

You reached over and shoved his shoulder, much to his surprise, then smiled at him. “Shut up, you do deserve it, even if you make stupid decisions.”

He laughed and almost looked shy as he looked away.

“Also,” You started “I accept your apology. I mean, I don’t excuse it, but I accept it.” You clarified, and he was satisfied with that.

“Besides, I also could have been a little more mature.” You said, and could see the amused look on his face as he thought back.

“Oh, you mean the whole trying to make me jealous thing?” He asked, and you blushed.

“Yeah. I mean, wait, how do you know that’s what I was doing? Maybe I was just genuinely interested in dating around and you happened to see it.”

“Maybe, but you poured it on a little thick whenever you knew that I could see you.”

His tone deepened as he spoke, not afraid to look you in the eye anymore. 

“I mean, you _did_ bring a girl home with the sole purpose of making me jealous, so you can’t really judge me.”

He pursed his lips in an attempt to contain his laughter, agreeing with you. “True.”

“I guess that means we both got a little more caught up then we intended to.”

His smile faded as a more serious vibe took over the room, as there was still one thing neither one of you had yet addressed. You decided to be the brave one this time.

“You were right, from the beginning, I did have a crush on you, and unfortunately I still do.”

He chuckled at the forlorn way with which you confessed your feelings, but seemed relieved you’d done it.

“I don’t know much about crushes, but I suppose I have one on you, too.”

You swallowed as heat swept over your entire body, then quickly turned cold, causing a slight shiver.

“Where does that leave us, then?” You asked, and he shrugged. “I guess we’ll see.”

Strangely, you were okay with that answer.

Hyunwoo came home then, interrupting any further conversation on the matter. What it meant for the two of you was still up in the air, but the fact he’d been real with you, apologized, and been vulnerable with his feelings, had made all the tension and anger disappear. If nothing came of a relationship, even a physical one, you would still be okay with that closure. You knew he’d still be in your life, one way or another.

Hyunwoo had noticed the difference, mostly that you could be in the same room together. He pulled you aside when he had the chance.

“We talked it out, it’s fine now.” You explained, and he looked relieved for a moment, until he inquired as to what exactly that meant.

“Don’t worry, we’re just friends.” You said, because it was true for the time being. He grinned happily and went on his way secure in that knowledge.

The two of them went to work on music, and in typical fashion you occupied yourself elsewhere. You texted your friend the details of the talk, and she didn’t find them nearly as juicy as she thought she would, and you playfully apologized for it not being more risqué.

You dozed off on the couch sometime after dinner, and didn’t realize how late they’d been working until Changkyun came to wake you up. He coaxed you softly out of sleep, kneeling next to the couch, and his face came into focus once your eyes adjusted.

“You can have your bed back.” He said quietly, smiling, and it made your stomach flutter. It was amazing how quickly you’d gone back to feeling that way about him, if you’d ever stopped to begin with.

You sat up and rubbed your eyes, and he waited patiently in place, and you realized he probably intended on sleeping there tonight. You mumbled a goodnight and made your way passed him and into your room. After dressing down for bed, you plopped down and laid in the dark, half-asleep, going over your previous conversation in your head and smiling to yourself about it, still shocked that he’d opened up to you but grateful that he had.

Your phone buzzed unexpectedly, fully waking you up.

 **Changkyun** : Are you awake?

 **You** : Yeah

 **Changkyun** : I really missed you. Is that lame to say?

Your cheeks burned as you re-read the message, and another came through in the meantime.

 **Changkyun** : Im not usually very mushy but you had me thinking and feeling all kinds of weird shit

You laughed out loud.

 **You** : Like what?

He took a moment to reply.

 **Changkyun** : I don’t even know. Like usually all the making out and stuff is fun but its just the necessary beginnings to the eventual end right? Because what it leads to is that’s most important. But I felt l like I could keep kissing you forever and id be okay with that.

 **You** : That’s not weird

 **Changkyun** : Weird for me. And usually im just thinking about fucking, but I always used to think about how warm and soft you were, and how good you smelled, and the way you smile at me when im on stage. Like what the fuck?

You laughed again, an incessant sound of giggles you couldn’t contain, not only for how he worded it but the fact he seemed so perplexed by feeling real romantic emotions, and that you were the one to cause it.

 **You** : If it makes you feel any better, you give me butterflies and its honestly so annoying.

You could have sworn you heard his muffled laugh out in the living room.

 **Changkyun** : Ugh, we’re pathetic

 **You** : Hopeless, really

 **Changkyun** : What are we going to do about it?

You thought it through before you responded. You knew what you wanted to say, but not sure if bringing it up would help

 **You** : It depends, does the thought of touching me still make you feel like a creep?

 **Changkyun** : I wouldn’t be that dramatic.

 **You** : Well you should have asked me, first. Maybe I wanted you to corrupt me.

 **Changkyun** : You better be careful

 **You:** Why?

 **Changkyun** : Because you are treading dangerous territory

 **You** : Am I making it worse?

  
 **Changkyun** : Not in the way you think

You bit into your bottom lip, enjoying having your little game back.

 **You** : but it’s true, that was all apart of the appeal. Every other guy I dated was so boring and quite frankly, not nearly as talented with their hands

 **Changkyun** : are you _trying_ to make me think about it?

 **You** : About what? Coming in here and taking my innocence? Never!

 **Changkyun** : You were never innocent, that I know now.

 **You** : In that case, what are you waiting for?

You realized, over these few weeks, you’d gotten a lot more confident. Changkyun had brought something out in you, and not just the fluffy schoolgirl stuff, either. You’d taken what you’d gained from him, used it on other guys, and realized your own potential power. You weren’t just prey anymore, and intended to show him that.

There was a long few minutes without a response, and you began to wonder what became of him, until you heard the doorknob jiggle. Changkyun entered the dimly lit room, closed the door behind him, and stood there for a moment as you sat up. You stared at one another, quietly, until he crossed the room and before you knew it, he was cupping your face and bringing his lips down on yours.

It hadn’t been that long since he last kissed you, but it felt like an eternity, and you realized how much you missed it. The other boys had been decent, maybe even good, but none of them could take your breath away like Changkyun could.

You found yourself gripping on the fabric of his clothing, pulling him closer, letting your kisses get sloppy and fervent. He was tangled up in your hair, panting against your mouth and pressing you back into the futon until he was on top of you. It was all moving so quickly but you couldn’t slow down, you both needed this.

His mouth moved to your neck just as his hand went up inside your shirt, finding your bare chest and massaging each mound. You knew you couldn’t be too loud with Hyunwoo sleeping down the hall, but despite yourself you let out a whimper, which only caused him to growl against your skin. 

He sat back, pushing the shirt up over your chest, exposing you, then grazing your ribs with his thumbs, taking in the sight of it. You tried to keep your breathing even, and flushed at the way he stared at you, lust making his eyes glaze over. He started to tug at your PJ bottoms and you wriggled around, helping them come down and off your legs. Next, he hooked his thumb under the band of your underwear, and tugged gently, waiting for any indication that you wanted him to stop. When he didn’t get any, he pulled them down and further exposed you to the cool air, to which you shivered in anticipation of what would happen next.

He slid his hand between your knees to part your legs, pressing on your inner thighs, and you trembled as you let him. He positioned himself between them, leaning down to trail kisses from the center of your chest down your stomach. You clenched up when he got to your hips, and he paused.

“Are you okay?” He asked, and you melted underneath him, nodding your head.

He continued down one of your thighs and into the divet where it met your body, which caused you to shudder, not realizing how sensitive the skin there was until his lips were trailing over it. He moved inward, holding the back of your thighs to keep you accessible, and dipping down to drop a single kiss over the mound, then nuzzled you with his nose, sighing and saying something under his breath. The hot breath caused you to tingle all over, and you shoved your hands up under your pillow, gripping the pillowcase, tensed with expectancy.

Then his tongue came, flat and moist and pressing down over your clit, moving languidly in a subtle back and forth motion, and your body only tensed up more, neck straining back as you fought not to make any noise. He started to move it in tight circles, and you shuddered, having to sink your teeth into your cheek. This motion tortured you until he stopped, moving down to languish the rest of your sex with his mouth, and your eyes squeezed shut, unknowingly holding your breath and releasing it when it became too much, only to hold it again.

He paused, his hands snaking up your body to grab you by the forearms, pulling them free of the pillow case and down toward him.

“Relax, baby.” He laughed against you, though there was a devious glint in his eyes that told you enjoyed it.

You tried to take deep breaths, relax your arms, and not let out a squeal when he took you back between his lips. One of your hands found his head, and pushed through his dark hair before tugging at it. He growled into you, and sped up the pace.

Your other hand came to your mouth, where you bit down on top of your knuckles, moaning into your hand, trying to keep quiet but unable to be totally silent. Your release was mounting and the way his tongue rolled and massaged over the most sensitive spot was making it hard to think straight. Changkyun never relented, he lavished you like he was hungry for your taste and needed more. When the last bits of your sanity began to unravel, you gripped his hair tighter and he understood, making sure he didn’t miss a second of contact as your orgasm rolled through your body in waves, making your back arch as you whined desperately into your fist.

As the last tremors rocked your body, you pulled your hand from your mouth and opened your eyes to Changkyun sprinkling kisses all over your neck, pressing his clothed hardness against your thigh.

“You are so sexy.” He breathed into your ear and you smiled and blushed. Even if the pleasure had spent you, you weren’t done yet, and reached up to pull on his hips, looking him in the eye, silently asking for more.

His face changed, softening as his brow drew down in concern. “Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You replied, nuzzling into him.

“It’s kind of a big deal.”

You shook your head.

“No its not. I mean, maybe a little, but not as much as you’re psyching yourself out about.” You laughed, then for good measure reached down and pushed your palm against his length, dragging it back and forth as you pressed down over his cock.

“Please,” You whispered sweetly. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Fuck, how am I supposed to say no to that?” He let out an airy laugh and moved his hips into your hand.

“The only issue is we don’t have any protection.”

“Check my back pocket.”

“What?”

You circled his hip and dug your hand into the back pocket of his jeans, feeling the square plastic.

“Really?”

“What? I always carry one just in case.”

You rolled your eyes, but you were glad at the same time.

He made work of pulling his shirt over his head while you undid his pants, pulling them down his hips along with this boxers. He did the rest of the work getting them off his legs, and you couldn’t help but stare, tracing the lines from his stomach to his hips, down to where he was hard and straining. He took himself in one hand, holding himself steady and raising his eyebrows at you playfully, waiting.

You opened the packaging and made sure you had it the right way, remembering all those dumb videos you had to watch in highchool where they put the condom on the banana, only he was a lot thicker than that and you almost giggled out loud at the thought. You were surprised how easily it rolled down over him and once he was secure, you laid back.

You hadn’t ever treated this moment like it meant anything spectacular; it was just something you’d wanted to do and knew you wouldn’t really feel any different afterward. Still, even with the lack of anxiety leading up to it, you suddenly felt a little nervous, trembling ever so slightly as he nudged your legs apart and guided himself toward you. He seemed to notice your apprehension and took his time, feeling you out, both physically and emotionally. He took a moment to drag himself up and down your slit, letting your wetness coat the tip.

“Are you ready?” He asked, voice a little quieter than before. You draped your arms over his shoulders and around his neck.

“Yes.”

He stopped at your opening, gently pushing himself forward and letting himself sink inside you. You gasped as he stretched you open, and he froze.

“Are-“

“I’m fine, just-“ You mewled. “Keeping going, _please_.”

The want in your voice convinced him you were more than fine, and continued until he was buried to the hilt inside you. You could tell that he was holding back, and appreciated his care, but even you started to get frustrated and wiggled to tell him it was fine to move. When that didn’t work, you pressed your hips forward and he sunk just a bit deeper, which caused you both to moan.

“Are you trying to kill me?” He grinned, rocking his hips forward before drawing back.

“What, you can’t handle it?” You teased, and his eyes darkened. He leaned forward, pressing himself down into you firmly, then drew back and did it again. Gradually, the pace of his hips sped up and soon enough you were clawing at his shoulders, eyes fighting to stay open as you panted with every thrust.

He smirked when he saw you, displayed out underneath him, a breathless mess. When he was turned on, he couldn’t help but be a merciless tease, and he knew you loved it as evidenced by all the times his words had gotten you whimpering under his touch, even with your clothes still on. He leaned close to revel in it, talking low and quiet against your mouth.

“Can you handle it, babygirl?” He taunted, and pleasure swept through you, amplified by his voice. “Can you take more?”

You could only nod, forcing yourself to keep your eyes open, giving him a wanton look as you bit your bottom lip. His thrusts got harder, now that he knew you could take it, and you cried out a little louder than you had intended to. Changkyun placed his hand over your mouth and laughed low. His thrusts turned into a slow grinding which didn’t help at all.

“You have to be quiet.” He whispered, removing his hand and kissing your lips. “Your brother is going to kill me if he hears us.”

“I can’t help it, you feel so good.” You whined, and hearing that only caused him to groan in response.

“So do you, baby. So hot and fucking tight around me.” He shuddered. “I don’t think I’m going to last.”

Though he’d started to grind into you to stop you from being too loud, now the contact was only creating a new sensation, one that was pushing you toward another orgasm. You started to tense up, your face flushing as little moans fell out of you. You pulled him against you and pressed your hips up, and he caught on quickly.

“Are you close again? Fuck, look at you. You can’t get enough, can you?” He teased, obviously loving every second of it. He was right, you felt like you were going crazy with the way he was making you feel, falling into a trance-like state where the only thing that mattered was what his body was doing to yours. You started to squirm, the pleasure almost too much.

He took you by your wrists and pinned them next to your head, leaning down and putting all of his weight into his hips, rocking and grinding his cock deep into you, his pelvic bone giving you all the outside friction you needed. He pressed his forehead to yours, letting his moistened mouth ghost against yours.

“Come for me.”

You unraveled at his command, bucking up against him and being pinned with nowhere to go, could only let the onslant of your orgasm crash into you. When you started to get loud again, Changkyun consumed your mouth in a ravenous kiss, drinking In all your pleasure-wracked sounds. When you finally started to come down, he was just getting started, letting go of your wrists and wrapping his arms around your back, using his strength to pull you against him and fuck you relentlessly. You gripped a handful of his hair at the back of his head, held on tight with the other. He buried his face in your neck and you whispered “Please, please, please,” into his ear until he came hard inside you.

All of his strength was spent in that one instance, and he collapsed heavy and hot on top of you. Your skin was sticky but you didn’t care, stroking the back of his neck until your breathing normalized again. Even then, he stayed there, his head cradled on your upper chest, your chin on top of it.

“What the hell did you do to me?” He finally spoke into the quiet of the room, and you laughed, threading your fingers into his damp hair.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

It may have been your first time, officially, but even you knew there was something especially passionate about it, and you were glad you had waited for it.

You reluctantly began to gather yourselves, Changkyun careful about how he detached from you, discarding of the condom and leaving you to sneak off to the bathroom to freshen up. When you came back he’d dressed, partially, and was inviting you back onto the futon.

“You’re not worried about Hyunwoo?” You asked, getting in next to him. He threw the blanket over both of you. There wasn’t a lot of room, but you didn’t mind.

“I’ll be gone before he wakes up.” He said, kissing your temple and snuggling into you. You smiled and sank down into his arms. In all your times being physical, he’d never been what you would call affectionate, until now.

“You know, I leave for school next week.”

Changkyun was already closing his eyes, nodding as he squeezed you once.

“I know.”

You didn’t want to promise him anything, or insist that he promise you. It’d be mistake to build a relationship off such a tumultuous and temporary fling. Yet, you didn’t want it to end here in this room.

“The bus ride is a half an hour.” He mumbled, and it took you a moment to process what he’d said, but you still needed to be sure.

“What?”

He opened his eyes. “The bus, to your campus, it’s only a half an hour”

“Oh. Well, yeah.”

“I could visit, when I have the time, you know?”

“You could.”

“And you could sneak me into your dorm room.”

You smiled. “I could.”

“There’s a club in the area, good for weekend shows. College kids make good crowds.”

“They do. I could help promote you.”

He smiled, a lot different than any smile he’d smiled before. It was warm and yielding and made his face look softer.

“That’d be cool.”

“And you could take me on a real date.”

He chuckled. “If you’d like that.”

“I would.”

“Then I will. I’ll take you on a date. I’ll even bring you flowers.”

You crinkled your nose. “I don’t really like flowers.”

“Good to know. Candy?”

“Chocolate.”

“See, I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

“It’s just a crush.” You teased.

“Sure, a crush.” He closed his eyes once more, and rested his head on your shoulder. The conversation died as you both fell into a sound sleep.


End file.
